Cosmically Linked, Comically Fucked.

Updates, rough states

2008-01-23T05:52:00.000-08:00

It has been quite awhile since I've written anything here. Ever since Navin Johnson slipped away from this mortal coil, I felt I couldn't write. Anything. My fingers forced themselves back as if to tell me that this keyboard is not a way to reach him.

So I've found another way. Another way to find him. It's a device. I am unsure of exactly what it's really made for, or why it was made at all... but

It scares me. When used, it feels like you are having withdrawals from some sort of medication that affects the brain. When it's taken away, it has nothing to feed on. I've heard this as referred to 'brain zaps' or 'brain freeze'

Imagine, if you will, a sudden jolt inside your brain. It doesn't hurt, it's more like hitting your funny bone, except it's in your head. A thundercrack. Lightning. Then darkness. You can't taste anything except alkaline. The smell is horrible, but tolerable because you realize what you've just been through. What it means. To reach out to what has been the unreachable.

To grasp what was once not there. Now it's all around you.

Japanese? Who knows. Wouldn't put it past them, but it's highly doubtful.

Heath Ledger passed away.

It can't be Japanese. Updates to follow. Promises.

Kid Vid

2008-01-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

Dedicated to the one I love.

2007-09-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

2007-09-03T01:13:00.000-07:00

R.I.P Navin R. Johnson

I'd like to read an excerpt from one of my favorite poems if I may. I feel it to be both poignant and apropos at the same time. It's all too often beauty is taken away from us. It is thrust upon us at such a young age, and then ripped away from us. We suckle but only an instant on the teat of beauty, on the teat of innocence, on the teat of everything that this World was created to be.

Then, that milk is syphoned off from our hungry mouths. We starve. We starve on the ugliness, the bleakness, the hopelesness of it all. We once were babes. Once were children. Once were beautiful. Now what remains is nothing of what was. The future is a needle, it's eye the past. You can look through it, look back upon it... but you may not go through it. You may not go back. All that you have is the prick of the future, and it bleeds you dry.

Now, on with the poem.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Rest in peace Navin. You will be missed. You will be loved. You will be in my heart. Always.

Wrestworld issue 1a

2007-06-28T12:50:00.001-07:00

Me posted up, you going down.

2007-05-06T01:15:00.000-07:00

An open letter to the ladies,

Hons, when I am posted up, be it at a club, strip club, bar, state fair, or church... I kind of expect you to come up to me and ask me about me. I'm posted up for a reason. I am literally leaning against the brick/wood/metal wall because I know you'll be coming up to me. I know it.
I always have one leg up though. One leg on the wall. Easier access ladies. Easier access.

So, in closing, next time you see me at your favorite eatery, and I am posted up next to the plastic cups, come up and say hi. I might just be fucking you later that night (if you're not a fatty).

Open invitation to Matt Roloff

2007-05-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

Am I the only person other than Hoops that watches TV gems, that most consider either child programming, or stuff that reaches for that 13 year old female demo?

While my wife is out cheating, I like to enjoy a nice hour of Little People Big World. I've even been caught watching Taquita and Kuai for a good 14 minutes.

I'm trying to grow a beard.

When and where is rock bottom?

2007-04-29T20:12:00.000-07:00

Things keep idling day by day. Nothing drastically changes much, it's a cycle of boring, depressing shit. I wake up, feel horrible, think about my whore wife, who will not call except to ask me my ring size, then to never call back.

So I wake up, play a few games, take a few Ativan that the doctor was so gracious in giving to me for the panic attacks my wife has given me.

Now what? I'm living with my parents, too far from finishing school to be happy about getting that taken care of, and even when I do start, I fall into the cycle of not getting it done. I rarely look for work, most of the stuff on craigslist is horrible nor do I have any energy to go out and look.

I think If I could just try some Adderall things might be a bit better, I do feel as though I have ADHD, but the speed in it might give me the energy to do things in life and not just be stuck here. No anti-depressants work. In my opinion they're all shit. I could be doing a million things. I've seen lesser do quite a bit more with their life. Where is rockbottom, how do I get there, and how can I make it big as a mega lotto winner?

Huh? I am not a bum. I'm a jerk.

2007-04-26T22:12:00.000-07:00

I've never been that great at attending things such as school or work, but within the last three years, I have slowly been progressing further and further into a life of a mumbling incoherent shit on the street, all the while asking for your change, bills if possible.

If my wife fucking half the Mexican and mental patient population in town wasn't enough, I have the added gift of not only giving her an supposed "excuse" as well as letting my life slip away.

Current:
Just this morning I had a job interview at 11am. Now it's in the same city that my wife lives in, and I want to live there because I wanted to work things out with her. Yet I doubt it's going to happen, and I'm sure I'm just setting myself up for more wasted time. Either way, I was supposed to be there at 11. I get up and don't really feel like going because the night before my wife disappeared. Something inside me is thinking that I HAVE to go though. So I write an email to the HR lady that I was in a car accident and that I was hospitalized. Great. I now have an appointment for next week. Hope I don't get called on my bullshit, but it's what I'm best at apparently.

Past/General experiences
For the last three to four years, I have not been able to hold a job for more than, I would say, three months. Not only that, but I haven't been able to successfully complete a semester of school just as long. When I have work, I fucking dread the next day. The moment that I wake up, no matter how much rest I've been able to muster up, I feel tired, and will do anything including agreeing to blow a cow, just to be able to go back to sleep. With school I just end up slacking and missing days, and there comes a point where the teacher thinks I'm there just for the financial aid (which for the most part is true). So in both cases I usually end up giving in and quitting before I can even really get started.

I'm not really sure what's wrong. I always hoped something was wrong, that way I could explain letting my life just waste away. I'm not particularly stupid, so I don't know what's up. I guess I'm just lazy. I sure would like to get on Adderall just in an attempt to see if it would help, but I think my doctor just thinks I'm looking for a high, and wants to keep sticking me on horse-shit anti-depressants.

Something has got to give soon, otherwise I might be in a town near you pan-handling greyhound money to go strike it rich in the worlds biggest little city, Reno.

The Wizard : The best videogame to movie adaptation? I think so...

2007-04-26T11:14:00.000-07:00

The Wizard (1989)

Plot outline:
Corey and Jimmy Woods are two brothers who are being separated due to their parents divorcing. Jimmy is a mentally unstable kid that has had problems ever since his sister died at a young age. One day, Corey discovers that Jimmy has a natural talent for playing video games. He is one of the best around, and the two journey to the West Coast to compete in a video game championship, but along the way, they must avoid the adults, who are trying to take Jimmy away.

IMO, the best videogame to movie port would have to be The Wizard. I used to play The Wizard on my Intellivision religiously, and when I heard they were finally making a movie (before Fred Savage was attached to the project) I got chills. Finally, I would be able to beat Lucas Barton (a feat I could not do in the game for the life of me!) merely by kicking back with a tub of popcorn in one hand and a pack of Goobers in the other.

I think this film was excellent, though they strayed away from the Intellivision motif (I.E. Instead of the Intellivision paddle Lucas uses in the game, he uses a Powerglove) the characters remained faithful. I can understand why they would need to cater to the Nintendo generation by switching the movie up a little from the game, so I don't see it as a flaw of the movie but a warm welcome and a fresh approach, not to mention smart marketing. The actors who stand out in this movie, are most notably Fred Savage, Jenny Lewis, Christian Slater, Beau Bridges, and Jackey Vinson.

I love the powerglove. It's so bad.

The Wizard wasn't only an excellent film, but also a launching pad for these up and comers in hollywood. You can see Fred Savage today mugging it up in Austin Powers 3, While Jenny Lewis rocks and indeed rolls in her band Rilo Kiley (featuring another famous child actor, Pinsky from Salute Your Shorts) and most notably, Jackey Vinson chewing the scenery in the 1992 sleeper hit "Breaking the Rules" starring along side the always charming and hard working actor Jason Bateman (of Teen Wolf 2 fame). Christian Slater and Beau Bridges can still be seen sometimes today as well. Oh, did I forget to mention that everyone's friendly neighborhood spider-man, Tobey Maguire, is in this gem of a movie uncredited as one of Lucas Barton's goons(one of the only characters that was actually created solely for the movie, but worked well)? Also, let's not forget, this was the vehicle for the highly anticipated Super Mario Bros. 3. Without this film, none of you Xboxers or PS2rs would even be around because this movie helped revitalize the dying video game industry into the thriving empire it is today.

So please, if you can, check out this late 80's cinema nugget of gold, and learn a little bit of history about how you're still able to play video games to this day!
I gave this film 4 1/2 mops out of a possible 5, losing half of point because they could have very well stuck with the intellivision paddle for Lucas' weapon of choice, but still forgivable.

****1/2

The Plague: Kid, don't threaten me. There are worse things than death, and uh, I can do all of them...

2007-04-25T13:19:00.000-07:00

Don't really have anything of importance to post, but I found a bunch of logs that I will be putting up throughout the duration I guess. This one is an AIM log. His name has been changed to protect the idiots.

Me = me
evoL = him

evoL: your fucked eh
Me: No
Me: Your english is though
evoL: oh but you are
evoL: wait till i get done with your computer
evoL: weeeeeee
Me: It's you're fucked, not your fucked
evoL: have you not noticed your warned to 100%
Me: I noticed
Me: It's just aim though, who cares?
Me: Have you noticed your grammar is below average? If even that?
evoL: wanna see something cool?
Me: I guess
Me: ?
evoL: anything happen yet
Me: Was there supposed to be something happening?
evoL: give it a few
Me: What can I expect?
evoL: a lil thing called a trojan virus
evoL: it will shut down your windows programs
evoL: and delete your registry
Me: Cool
evoL: yup
Me: I hope you're a girl
evoL: you know anything aobut viruses?
Me: Sure do
evoL: thats cool
Me: Kind of
evoL: you hack?
Me: No, It's stupid.. as you have proven with your non-hacking abilities
evoL: oh but im not hacking
Me: I realize this
evoL: thats the thing
evoL: so yea
Me: You also can't send a simple virus
evoL: oh but i can

At this point the moron tries to direct connect to me...

evoL wants to directly connect. p0ny0ne13 declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.).
evoL: come on
evoL wants to directly connect. The connection could not be established because an error occurred. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.).
evoL wants to directly connect. p0ny0ne13 declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.).
evoL: your taking the fun out of it
evoL wants to directly connect. The connection could not be established because an error occurred. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.).
Me: Are you kidding me?
evoL: come on
evoL wants to directly connect. p0ny0ne13 declines request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.).
Me: haha
Me: Fucking hell kid
evoL: see shows right there that you are afriad
evoL: accpet it
Me: I'm not afraid, it's just retarded to accept a virus
Me: Why would I? So I can have a virus? ooo great
evoL wants to send file dialer.exe.
evoL: ah fuck you then i got a better idea
Me: I think you're the one who's fucked here... in the head
Me: Jesus, where did you find my screenname anyway?
Me: I am pretty sure I didn't post it in We'reABunchOfRetards.com
evoL: no amber gave it to me
Me: and amber would be?
evoL: you know amber dont you
Me: Not that I know of
evoL: thats sad man
Me: No, It's quite clear you're the one who is sad
Me: Am I supposed to know Amber?
evoL: so you think
Me: No, I know
Me: Who's amber, and why does she send 14 year old mentally challenged kids to try to give me a virus by freely accepting the virus knowing it's a virus just to humor the poor kid?

He logged off here. Probably had a problem due to RISC. It's good, but it's not that good.

My stance against illegal immigration...

2007-04-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

Like I said in my last entry, there was some random mexifriend (creation of hoops, that I so humbly borrow) my wife had who apparently stalked, then raped her, yet she tells me later she cares about the guy.

The first time I knew something was up--this was before we were married--was when I took a trip to visit her with no warning. When I got there she was packing to go spend the night somewhere, and seemed a bit surprised/agitated that I had showed up. We ended up discussing if we would be together any longer, and although she didn't seem to want to, I somehow talked her into it.

A few months later I visit her, and she has someone calling her non-stop. She tells me some guy from her work said he loved her, and he will not leave her alone. I tell this guy to fuck off numerous times, throw some racial slurs like a true gentleman, and it continues for a week or so. After about a week I end up drinking a good amount of 151 due to not being able to cope with the stress this woman is putting me through, she then wants to go to the restaurant where these guys were hitting on her. Not only does she want to go, but she is getting all dolled up for it. I was livid. What the fuck do you need to do yourself up like a hooker for at 11 pm at night for a takeout order? I knew exactly what the fuck it meant, and I started to tell her off. She ends up getting so pissed at me telling her off she walks away somewhere. I find out later that night, she went to the guys house, the guy who was supposedly stalking her.

This is the night after her ex-boyfriend (pre-me) stole like 5-10 thousand dollars of her grandfathers money she was saving (loved her grandfather, never wanted to spend his money, said it smelled like him), I guess as a payment for everything he paid for while they were together. So she is going crazy now, crying, screaming, blaming shit on me. She was actually yelling at me that I had fucked her relationship with the abusive guy up. Anyways..., the Aztec warrior had been drinking, and thought it would be a good idea if he dropped by with about 4 of his friends. It's about 2am, I'm trying to go to sleep with her throwing a fit, and someone starts pounding on the door. I get up to see who it is, and it's none other than a small group of mexican guys getting ready to beat my ass.

Long story short, I called the police (sorry not man enough to take on 4 guys at once) and as I'm doing so, she pops her head out the door and lets them know. This is the first time I had proof there was no Christ. She just helped this guy who was supposed to be stalking her out. I ask you to forget this obvious sign of fuckery, and let me proceed with the rest of the garbage. So the police show up, because he came back and camped outside her house, when they pull the guy out of the car the end up arresting him for DUI, his 3rd apparently, she actually goes up and says, he is a good guy and tried to defend him.

A couple weeks later and it's Valentines day. I am sitting in her house, and the mail gets dropped off. I was checking it, not to be a snoop, just to see if anything important came, and there is a letter with crayon all over the outside of the back of it and some sort of cartoon. The guy was writing her from county jail and inside the envelope he had managed to find the time to trace and crayon in color to some great pictures of Mickey, and Minnie Mouse, as well as some other garbage like a badly traced rose. I'll actually include a picture of a couple of these things as soon as I can find them.

Sincerely,
I know I'm pathetic and need a CoDA meeting badly.

Toys 'R' Us, where a kid can be humiliated beyond all belief.

2007-04-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

I will start my blog on a little lighter note than Navin's. My embarrassing story will perhaps open up a dialogue with our readers, and perhaps they can share theirs as well. This will also be a good way to break the ice, I suppose.

So there I was, in Toys 'R' Us. I must of been a young handsome man of ten. Eleven the latest. I made my way to the videogame department, and stuck my face to the glass. Visions of Turbografx-16s filled my head. Sega was telling me that they do what Nintendon't. I believed them, I believed them so hard. Well about this time, as I was looking at the 8 and 16 bit glories, I felt something. Something I had not felt since, well, since the last time I had to go real bad. I had to poop. Far be it from me to leave the videogame aisle though, this could be the last time I might be able to lay my eyes upon these systems until Christmas. I had made up my mind. I held it in. Nothing was going to make me budge. I was going to stay in that ais.... oh no, wait, no I wasn't. This little brownie was about to come out of the oven.

I ran. Well, walked really quickly. The bathroom was on the exact opposite side of the store. Luckily for me, I had buns of steel. I could clench that turd until it turned into something not unlike a diamond. Or so I thought. Anyway, so there I was doing the fast-you know this kid has to poop-walk. There didn't seem to be anyone in my pre-poo path, so I thought everything would go swimmingly. A minute or so that seemed like an hour later, the doors to the bathroom were before me. I was going to make it. I was going to survive. I was going to shit my pants.

Last Aisle, a woman with her child is looking at the lincoln logs/legos. This was the aisle that was connected to the bathroom. Of course she had to be there. Was her looking at Lincoln Logs a coincidence? You decide. Here is where it gets embarrassing. My fast walk and tight buns had squeezed a good size pebble o' poo out, and by God if it didn't break off and run down the entire length of my jeans, bounce off my shoe, and land on the floor right in front of the lady. I noticed it. She noticed it. I didn't stop. I shot into the bathroom.

I never wanted to come out, either. I was going to set up shop and live out the remaining years of my life in there. As I paced about the bathroom, I hear over the loudspeaker, "Clean up on aisle 12." The mother had squeeled on me. Mortified, I didn't know what to do, or what to expect when I came out. Would she and all the workers be outside, waiting for me? Who knew. I paced some more. A good ten minutes later, I traversed slowly outside. No one was there.

I quickly found my mother, and told her I wanted to leave. This would be the first time she would ever hear me say "I want to leave" at a toy store.

Is porno-hangman a joke?

2007-04-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

I have had fidelity issues with my wife for a while now. Anyways, she lost our child (or as I recently found out when she was pissed at me, possibly some random mexicans who raped her, but she loved, and had a relationship, but just recently raped her again.) while she went home to Japan for her grandfathers funeral. When she got back about eight months later (due to visa issues) she began "flipping" out. Making comments about killing herself etc.

Anyways... She gave me a good enough scare to have to call the police on her. They caught her lying about why she was carrying a hose around and why I called the police on her, eventually they ended up taking her to the hospital. That night at the hospital she ended up meeting some fellow mental patient and they exchanged numbers (I ended up hearing a voice mail of hers where the guy states that he is reading the letter she wrote to him in Japanese over and over, even though he could not understand it).

Fast forward to a little more recently. Apparently they have been hanging out, and during a visit that I let her know about beforehand, she was nowhere to be found when I entered the apartment. When I walked in I noticed on the coffee table there was some various food items that she never eats, and a game of hangman played on the back of some of her school notes. It read the following, "FUCK-ME". To make things even worse there is a box of condoms on the table. Albeit unopened, but she knows I have many of my own condoms, so she would not buy them for me.

Upon confrontation she says she bought them for us, and attempts to whore me out by asking to "fuck her". I let in, but that isn't the point. When I confront her about the hangman she says she did it with a girlfriend, and it was a joke. My first response was, what kind of fucking joke is that? It's not funny by any stretch of imagination, especially when combined with a pack of condoms sitting next to it. A week later and she admits that he did it, but it was still a joke, and he bought the condoms.

This guy then contacts me via MySpace and tells me that if I want to know what is going on to give him a call. I call the guy, and he gives me these stories of her fucking around with mexicans and cheating on even him. The guy makes me promise not to tell her, but I do, I mean I could give two shits, I just wanted to hear what he had to say. She shows me her phone later that same day, and he was messaging her apologies and telling her that he only did it because he thought he was ready to love again. God only knows what is going on between them now.

After the VA Tech shootings, she gives me a call like a day later and tells me that this kid is in the hospital again, because he made some joke about it at work.

Lord christ, I hate hangman, and I h _ t _ h _ r.